


It’s hard to pretend when dreams aren’t as real as memories

by wantsumfuk



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: 13 yr Jeremy, 13 yr Michael, F/M, First Kisses, Flashback, Googled Filipino, I’ll put more tags as i go, M/M, One-Shot, SQUIP - Freeform, Some Fluff, Some angst, Takes place between Upgrade and Halloween, boyf riends - Freeform, i dont know what else to put here, i guess, jewish! Brooke, kinda sorta fluffy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-03 02:55:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13331991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantsumfuk/pseuds/wantsumfuk
Summary: Jeremy Heere, used to be loser, now one of the cool kids, kinda sorta dating Brooke Lohst, is at a small get together with other cool kids. What triggers Jeremy though, is that he has to tell this whole group about his first kiss. It’s not too bad, except his first kiss was with his old loser friend, Michael.





	It’s hard to pretend when dreams aren’t as real as memories

**Author's Note:**

> I had a dream of this so here’s what I mostly remember

The group of kids laughed. “Dustin, you sound like a hoe.” Rich Goranski laughed as he fell down to the floor. Dustin Kropp shrugged and smirked, “What can I say? I bring in all the girls. They were all _dying_ to kiss me.”

“Pfft. Whatever Dustin. Considering you said you were in Kindergarten when it happened you probably mixed the story up as a kid.” Chloe Valentine rolled her eyes as she sat up straighter.

“What _I_ think what happened, you were called a wimp for not having kissed a girl by your other little loser friends. And when they started calling you gay you decided to go and kiss every girl in your line of vision, and it _just happened_  to be a group of little preppy girls who played with dolls and believed in cooties.”

_Laugh casually and wrap your arm against Brooke._ The Squip in his mind told him as Jeremy did as he was told. He laughed with the other kids as Dustin turned a light shade of pink. As he wrapped his arm around Brooke and she cuddled into his right side he just couldn’t help but think, _It really is great to be popular._

Jeremy mentally sighed in content, as he looked at how far he had gone in a couple days. Next to him, cuddled into his side, was Brooke Lohst, the second hottest girl in the school (first in his opinion but whatever). Right next to her sat a very bored looking Chloe Valentine, picking at her nails as if she’d rather be somewhere else in the world.

”Well at least his story was better than mine. He willingly kissed a girl. My mom and her friend basically forced me and Ram to kiss. It was absolutely disgusting considering I was 14 and he was 17.” Jenna Rolan rolled her eyes from her spot next to Chloe. Straight ahead of Jeremy (and next to Jenna), Dustin rolled his eyes. “Think of it as a compliment. At least you had a story to tell your friends to.”

Beside Dustin, Rich tsked at them and shook his head. “You all had shitty first kisses, but mine wasn’t any better. I had mine at a party while I was drunk as fuck. The only way I knew was because I woke up naked next to some blondie. I think she was like three years older than me though.” Rich shrugged and the group laughed. “You’re calling _me_ a hoe?” Dustin wheezed. 

Jake Dillinger patted Rich on the back and shook his head. “I sadly had to share my first kiss with Miss I’d rather be dead.” Jake said as he gave a pointed look at Chloe, who simply rolled her eyes in return. “Sadly, the same went for me.” She replied in a monotone voice as she continued to pick at her nails.

_What am I gonna say when they ask me?_ Jeremy thought to the Squip as Jake told the very detailed story that happened after the kiss. Squip looked at Jeremy confused before realization struck it. It groaned in return and stared off at the hallway where the bathroom was located. _You need to make up a story that can impress and humor them. Maybe.... Seventh grade, you went to the movies with a girl named Angelica and kissed her, before you got slapped._

_Oh yeah cause that sounds impressive._ Jeremy mentally rolled his eyes as he tuned back into the other kids. Chloe just threw a pillow at Jake as he went too detailed into their past sex life. Suddenly, a short girl walked into the room and sat in between Jeremy and Jake. Jeremy’s heart raced a bit as Christine Canigula smiled awkwardly to the group of popular kids. 

“What’d I miss?” She asked as she smoothed out the skirt of her dress. “We were just talking about our first kisses.” Jake explained as he leaned closer to her, and beside Jeremy, Brooke nodded. “Mine was an accident. You know those cheesy romance stories where the characters trip and kiss on accident? Well that happened with me and a guy named Jason who goes to my temple, except it was more sloppy.

”We were going up the stairs as a pair to the front of the temple to represent something for Thanksgiving, then I fell backwards, and he turned around to try to catch me. Instead I brought him down with me and our lips collided. This was when I had a loose front tooth, around eight or seven? And the impact was so hard that my tooth fell out.” Brooke’s cheeks had a light pink brush upon them, and everyone laughed and awwed.

“Jason? Isn’t he the guy with the gay dad that has been at your house a lot?” Chloe asked as Brooke nodded in return. “After the incident our parents met up and they became close friends. Although, they really didn’t talk that much until Jason and I reached eighth grade. And the year prior, Jason and I tried dating but didn’t really work out. It just wasn’t the time.” Chloe nodded saying she understood.

“Well, my first kiss had a lot less blood involved.” Christine giggled as she shrugged. “I had mine last year, with a then junior now senior named Christopher. We were in a musical called In The Heights, I was a girl named Nina and he was Benny. In one of the songs Nina and Benny have a sorta... heated? Angry? I dunno they just kissed.

”So after rehearsal, I told him it was my first kiss, and the next week he ended up giving me a signed copy of the script as an apology for stealing it. He was really sweet about it, and I would’ve considered dating him if he wasn’t dating someone. I still have his number.” Christine smiled as the other kids awwed.

”What about you Jeremy?” Brooke looked up to him, and his heart raced at the thought of his first kiss. “I uhm- oh my god it’s really embarrassing.” _What did I say about the stuttering? Jeremy, you need to stop_   _thinking about him. Just say something quick, and don’t do anything stupid_. The Squip said as it flicked Jeremy’s forehead. Jeremy sighed but passed it on as a laugh. “I went to the movies with a girl named Angelica in seventh grade. I kissed her but she ended up slapping me.”

Everyone laughed and Rich even yelled out “Get some Heere!”. Jeremy laughed with them before he thought back to how his first kiss really went. The other kid’s laughter drowned out and suddenly, Jeremy was 13 again and could hear his parents yelling at each other from his bedroom.

* * *

 

Jeremy groaned as he pulled the pillow off his head. He was done with his mom and dad yelling at each other everyday. Every single day they’re always finding something to fight about. Every. Fucking. Day.

Jeremy stretched out of bed and looked at his alarm clock. 7:35 PM. He sat up and grabbed his laptop from the side table. He was met with a tab with his Algebra 1 homework. Instead, he opened a new tab and typed out YouTube to look for anything that could drown out his parent’s yelling.

After what seemed like hours of scrolling Jeremy sighed and put his laptop away. Putting on his socks, Jeremy got up to walk to the kitchen to get something to eat. On the way down the stairs he could hear his parents arguing louder.

”—eriously, you are the worst father I’ve ever seen in my life. Look at the kid! He only has one friend and is as scrawny as a twig. He’s gonna be one of those guys who are virgins until they’re dead! Your parenting is awful and turning that boy into a failure!” He heard his mom yelled. 

“Don’t talk about Jeremy like that! He’s the world to me and should be to you too! So what if I make mistakes? You’re not even trying to show the kid you love him! I love you and you know Jeremy does too, but you get aggravating when you get like this. Just because Jeremy isn’t that sociable doesn’t mean he’s a failur—“ 

“Yes that boy is!” Jeremy’s mom screamed. Jeremy held in a sniff as he wiped away a few tears that dripped on his cheeks. “Whoever said I loved him? You’re the one who wanted to keep him, not me. There are so many things wring with him, and, frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out as a gay. He spends too much time with that boy from down the street for my liking. The day he says a peep of homosexuality I want him out on the street.”

Jeremy’s cheek flushed with anger. He quietly stomped up to his room and started putting clothes into his school backpack. He grabbed his phone from off the charger and put on shoes. Jeremy texted his dad saying that he was going to Michael’s for the night and made his way out from the back door. 

On the way down the road, Jeremy’s thoughts raced with lingering words that his mom yelled to his dad. _Whoever said I loved him? Your parenting is awful and turning that boy into a failure!_

Before Jeremy knew it he was knocking on the Mell’s front door. He hastily wiped away a couple more tears before he saw Mrs. Mell open the front door. 

“Jeremy? Sweety what are you doing here?” She asked in a worried tone as she opened the door wider. “I-is Micheal here?” Mrs. Mell nodded and locked the front door. “In his room upstairs. I’ll call you down in a bit for late-dinner.”

Jeremy nodded and made his way upstairs. He let more tears fall as he entered his friend’s room. Inside, he set his backpack down and felt eyes on him. “Jeremy! How come you’re here?” He heard his enthusiastic friend ask. Before Jereny answered, he turned around and broke down. He sat down as his sobs started to grow louder than the last. 

“Jeremy!” Michael exclaimed in alert. He fell to the floor with his friend and started to hug him. “I hate her.” Jeremy whispered as he buried his head into Michael’s neck. Michael whispered sweet nothings into his ear as he rubbed Jeremy’s back. After his sobs calmed a bit and the door opened. 

Michael’s mom stared at the two boys helplessly as Michael gave her a slight nod and thumbs up to tell her to leave. She nodded in return and softly closed the door. “Wanna play some Super Smash Bros?” Michael quietly asked. Jeremy held in a sniff and nodded. Michael brought them both up and to the bed. He sat Jeremy down and turned on the busted up GameCube.

He handed Jeremy a controller and sat down next to him. While setting up the characters and arena, Michael chose Pikachu. Jeremy mindlessly chose Captain Falcon. The two fought on Peach’s Castle and easily got rid of the Meta Knight and Fox CPUs. As Michael got the last blow on Jeremy, the zoned out boy set down his controller.

”Michael, you don’t think I’m a failure do you?” Jeremy’s voice sounded so hoarse he wasn’t sure if it were his. “What? Of course not! Who said that?” Michael said as he sat in front of Jeremy, his undivided attention on the red faced boy in front of him. Jeremy held in a sniff. “My drunk mom.” He mumbled as he played with loose strings on his pajama pants. 

“She– uh– She also said, that– that she d-didn’t love me-e.” Jeremy’s voice wavered and he brought his hands to his face to stop few tears from falling out. All Michael could do was reassuringly rub his knee.

”Michael... If you had the choice to be popular, have it all at your fingertips, and only have to sacrifice our friendship, you wouldn’t do it. Would you?” Jeremy asked as Michael brought his red-eyed friend into a hug. “Of course not. I need you, you’re my player one.” He said as he started to rub Jeremy’s back.

It felt as if they could be like that for years, and frankly, Jeremy wouldn’t mind being wrapped up in his best friend’s warm and snuggly arms. Then a knock sounded on the door. “Boys! Late-dinner is ready!” She exclaimed in a _I’m trying to cheer you guys up is it working_ tone. “Just give us a couple minutes Mom, we’ll be down there in a bit.”

Jeremy could hear a light sigh, but could also imagine Mrs. Mell giving them a polite smile through the door. “Alright, just come down before the food gets cold.” She said as she headed back down the stairs.

They stayed in a bundle for a couple of minutes before Michael pulled away slightly. He brought his forehead to Jeremy’s and made the other boy look at him in the eyes by cupping his hands on Jeremy’s cheeks. “ _Mahal Ko_ , I love and appreciate you as my best friend, no one could ever call you a failure or separate me from you.”

Jeremy looked into Michael’s deep brown eyes and felt his heart race slightly. He felt goosebumps over his skin as Michael’s eyes flickered to Jeremy’s lips. Michael slowly leaned forward, but at the last second Jeremy slightly brought his head down and felt the warm Michael’s lips on his nose. 

Jeremy looked up to see the hurt in Michael’s eyes. “Please... Just let me kiss you...” He could hear Michael breathe out. Jeremy felt his cheeks burn and Michael just seemed to realize what he said.

“Jere– oh my god I didn’t mean it oh my god I’m so sorry please don’t be disgusted–“ Micahel began to ramble as he pulled his hands away from Jeremy’s cheeks, except Jeremy caught them and held Michael’s hands in place. “No, no it’s not that... I wouldn’t mind– I just– ...I’m scared Michael...” Jeremy asked as he felt Michael hesitantly place his forehead back on Jeremy’s.

”Well... right now it doesn’t have to matter. Can’t we live in a world where nothing else exists? Even if its just for a couple of seconds?” Michael quietly spoke to Jeremy. Jeremy look up to meet those doe-like brown eyes again. The beat of his heart raced, and Jeremy closed his eyes and slowly nodded yes.

He could feel Michael’s lips against his, and he melted at the touch. It wasn’t a heated kiss, nor was it that sloppy. It was sweet innocent kiss that lasted for eternities, but yet seemed far too short in Jeremy’s opinion. They pulled apart after a while for air, and Jeremy felt electric.

Michael ran a hand through Jeremy’s hair and smiled as he talked to Jeremy in Filipino, “ _Ikaw ang ilaw ng aking buhay, ang aking pagmamahal._ ” Seconds after, another knock sounded through the door, making the boys jump apart from each other.

”The food’s cold! Mikey, get off that dumb game please!” Mrs. Mell’s voice sounded again, except it sounded kind of giddy tone. Michael and Jeremy fixed themselves up a bit before Michael opened the door. “Yeah, whatever. We’re coming!”

Mrs. Mell gave Michael a side eye and laughed to herself, “ _Huwag isiping hindi ko narinig ang iyong maliit na pagkumpisal doon,_ Mell.” She said in a sing song voice as Michael turned a deep shade of red.

Jeremy awkwardly laughed at feeling left out of the joke and sat down hoping that he and Michael would talk about what the hell just happened later or tomorrow. The boys never tried to even bring it up for years, leaving the memory forgotten, but still burned inside that could never be covered as a dream.

* * *

 

_Jeremy!_ The Squip hissed. Jeremy poped out of his thoughts and realized most the group was in the kitchen. _What did we say about Michael? Hiding him from your field of vision is one thing, but why do it if you still cling on to memories like that?_ The Squip tsked and shook his head at Jeremy. I _had to answer for you when you were to busy day dreaming!_

_Well I’m sorry! But sometimes it’s just hard to pretend when dreams aren’t as real as memories._ Jeremy huffed as he saw Christine glance his way.

_Do I need to erase your memories with him?_

_You’d basically be erasing my childhood_ , Jeremy retorted as Christine smiled and made her way over to him. “You’re finally out of your daze! We were just gonna go over the script.” She smiled. “Woo! I get to see these losers be nerds!” Dustin shouted as he downed a shot glass of Gatorade.

_We need to do something about it, Jeremy._

”Alright! I’ll be there in a sec.” Jeremy smiled, and Christine nodded and walked back to her seat next to Jake.

_Right now... we’ll just live with what we’ve got, even if it’s for a couple of seconds._ Jeremy thought to The Squip as he got up and walked to his friends.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It’d be great if you told me about any spelling mistakes i did :)
> 
> Hope you have a good week :D


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